Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister of Australia, is awoken at 4am by the telephone.

“Kevin, it’s Nicola Roxon, Health Minister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency. I’ve just received word that the Ansell factory in Sydney has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire Australian supply of condoms will be gone by the end of the week!”

Rudd: Shit! The economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies – we’ll be ruined!

Roxon: We’re going to have to ship some in from Britain.

Rudd: No chance! The Poms will have a field day on this one!

Roxon: What about New Zealand?

PM: Ok, call John Key and tell him we need ten million condoms, ten inches long and three inches thick! That way they’ll continue to respect the Wallabies!

Three days later a delighted Kevin rushes out to open the boxes. He finds ten million condoms; 10 inches long, 3 inches thick, all coloured black and white, with a silver fern printed on each one and embossed with:

MADE IN NEW ZEALAND

SIZE: Small

For the flipside, see New Zealand runs out of Condoms