Year View| Sunday 16 June 2002 (Day View)

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16.06.2002 – Sunday 16 June – I got depressed

• I woke up only slightly later than what a person should wake, for a change.
  I hereby declare my flu over; I have only the tiniest remains of it now, the only good news of today.
  I am depressed.
  My sister came out. It’s funny, she’s depressed too, and now she seems to have caught this flu that is going around. Depression is a terrible thing, stuff that seemed OK before, all crowds in and all seems depressing. In my current mood, everything seems wrong. It just takes one event to set off depression, and then all my worries, which I had pushed to the background and was handling, all jump on me at once and pound me into the ground. At the moment I feel as though I have no future, will fail my studies, and have no idea what to do next, no friends... depression. Today is the first day I have broken down and cried in my mother’s arms in an awfully long time. In fact, I don’t remember the last time I did. She pointed out the wet spot where my sister had been crying just before me. Weird. Maybe it’s the moon? Come evening time, I walked out to see Shan, he met me halfway and I had a talk to him about everything, which helped a bit. It got quite dark, as it is wont to do, so he drove me back in Jade’s car. Ah, sigh. I feel terrible. This insidious depression manages to slither its way into every facet of my life, turning everything into a hopeless quagmire of despair. I see no future, the things I am doing now seem pointless. I don’t even have any chocolate.
  I have decided. I shall go jump off a cliff.
  I just need to find one small enough so I don’t risk accidentally hurting myself.

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