<?php echo "<?xml version=\"1.0\" encoding=\"iso-8859-1\"?".">"; ?>
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd">
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">
<head>
<title>Cannot find the damn file</title>
<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" />
<style type="text/css">
<!--
div.er404, div.er404 input {
background: #FFFFFF;
margin: 0px;
padding: 0px;
font: 8pt/11pt Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
color: #000000;
text-align: left;
}
div.er404 div {
margin: 20px;
width: 450px;
}
div.er404 h1 {
font: 13pt/15pt Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
display: inline;
vertical-align: top;
padding-left: 8px;
padding-right: 0;
border: none;
background: #FFFFFF;
color: #000000;
}
div.er404 hr {
color: #C0C0C0;
background: #C0C0C0;
border: #C0C0C0;
height: 2px;
}
div.er404 img {
border: none;
background-image: none;
}
div.er404 a {
font: 8pt/11pt Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
color: #FF0000;
}
div.er404 a:hover {
font: normal 8pt/11pt Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
color: #FF0000;
}
-->
</style>
</head>
<body>
<?php
// send 404 Not Found header
header("HTTP/1.0 404 Not Found");
?>
<script type="text/javascript">
<!--
function doNothing() {
return "Everything is now screwed up";
}
function pop() {
alert('One moment while we screw everything up...');
}
//-->
</script>
<div class="er404">
<div> <br />
<img src="/_src/pagerror.gif" alt="Information Symbol" width="25" height="33" />
<h1> This page sucks and cannot be displayed</h1>
<p>The page you are looking for sucks and is currently unavailable. The Web
site might be experiencing technical difficulties, you may need to adjust
your browser settings or it might suck.</p>
<hr />
<p>Please try the following:</p>
<ul>
<li>Click the <a href="javascript:location.reload()" title="Reload page"> <img src="/_src/refresh.gif" width="13" height="16" alt="Refresh" /> Refresh</a> button, or smash
your computer with a large hammer.</li>
<li>If you typed the page address in the Address bar, make sure that it
is spelled correctly, you stupid idiotic moron.</li>
<li>Try searching this site:
<form style="margin: 0; padding: 0" method="get" action="/search" title="Search this site (provided by Google)">
<input style="width: 70%; border: solid 1px #000000; padding: 0px 1ex 2px 1ex" type="text" name="q" maxlength="256" value="<?php echo(substr($_SERVER['REQUEST_URI'], 6)); ?>" />
<input style="width: 20%; border: none; color: #FF0000; text-decoration: underline; cursor: pointer" type="submit" value="Search Site" />
</form>
</li>
<li>To check your connection settings, open case with a <b>screw driver</b>
then, fill with <b>gasoline</b>. Now take a <b>match</b> and proceed
to <b>ignite</b>. The settings should match those provided by your
local crazy arsonist (LCA) administrator and Internet service provider
(ISP). </li>
<li>Your Network Administrator is an idiot, Microsoft Windows can examine
your network and automatically screw everything up.<br />
If you would like Windows to screw everything up,<br />
click <a href="javascript:doNothing()" title="Screw Everything Up" onclick="pop()" onkeypress="pop()">
<img src="/_src/search.gif" width="16" height="16" alt="Screw Everything Up" />
Screw everything up</a> </li>
<li> Some sites require Windows to suck more than normal. Click the <b>Windows</b>
menu and then click <b>Windows suck rate</b> to determine what strength
"Suck" you have installed. </li>
<li> If you are trying to reach a secure site, make sure you are not running
Windows. Click the <b>My Computer</b> menu, and then right click <b>Drive
C:</b>. On the Menu select "Format". </li>
<li>Click the <a href="javascript:history.back(1)" title="Go Back"><img src="/_src/back.gif" alt="Back" width="12" height="16" />
Back</a> button to try another link. </li>
</ul>
<p> </p>
<p>HTTP 404 - File ("<a href="<?php echo $_SERVER['REQUEST_URI']; ?>" title="This file was not found"><?php echo $_SERVER['REQUEST_URI']; ?></a>") not found<br />
<a href="http://nedmartin.org/" title="n e d m a r t i n . o r g">http://nedmartin.org/</a> </p>
</div>
</div>
</body>
</html>
Last updated Friday, 12 November 2010