Replace the word “wand” with “dick” in any sentence in Harry Potter — Ned Martin’s Amused

EXPECTO PATRONUM!” Harry yelled. Nothing happened.  Harry gripped his dick tighter and shook it up and down until a thick, wispy white substance protruded from the end of it.

Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his dick hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent.

“Are you OK?” said Harry urgently. “My dick,” said Ron. “Look at my dick.” It had snapped, almost in two; the tip was dangling limply, held on only by a few splinters.

Harry rubbed his dick feverishly until white sparks shot out of the end, which earned him a disapproving look from Fleur.

“Your dick Harry! Use your dick!” —Hermione

“It’s the way you’re moving your dick,” said Hermione, watching Ron critically. “You don’t want to wave it, it’s more of a sharp jab.”

He bent down and pulled his dick out of the troll’s nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy grey glue.

“Dicks are only as powerful as the wizards who use them” —Hermione explaining to Harry Potter