Ned Martin’s Amused
A collection of things that amused me. Don’t ask why.
I believe you can tell a lot about a person from what amuses them, or sometimes, what doesn’t amuse them.
So, when I come across something that amuses me, this is where it goes.
Find things which have amused me recently, or browse around the categories below.
Use the categories below to find what amuses you
Ned Martin’s Amused Categories
aboriginal accident advertising africa alcohol america animals animated apple audio australia babies balloons bananas bears beer bikes billboards birds blonde board games boobs books bsod cars cartoons cats children comics communist computer games computers condoms cooking democracy dogs drugs easter eggs english evolution facebook fashion feminine hygiene flash flowcharts food games gay geeky grammar guns illusion imagery internet iphone irish it joke linux mac math medical microsoft movies music new zealand parenting phones pie charts pirates police political rabbits racist redneck religious risqué romance school seals sexist sms spiders sport technology tv university vintage war wifi windows wine women work zombies
Helpful Hints
Helpful Hints
Ancient Japanese Proverb
Ancient Japanese Proverb. If you cannot understand Japanese, tilt your head to the right…
Rejection Response
The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following…
Laurel And Hardy
Laurel and Hardy were repairing their roof. All of a sudden, Hardy lost his balance and went tumbling on the ground…
100 Guidelines On Becoming An Evil Villain
World domination is everyone’s dream. It’s not a bad job really…
Problem Solving Flowchart
A simple, and humorous, flowchart that successfully troubleshoots almost any problem you can think of.
Out Of Breath
Dispatcher: Emergency Services, how may I help you?
Already Exists
skdjaskdhsajdahsdjashds.jpg already exists. Do you want to replace it? You've got to be kidding me.
The Girls Are Talking About Tampons
The Blonde: It’s invisible sanitary protection, thank heavens…
advertising feminine hygiene imagery risqué sexist tampons vintage
An Irish Daughter Had Not Been To Her Parent's House For Over Five Years...
An Irish daughter had not been to her parent’s house for over five years…
Tarzan Sex
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex…
Will Be President For Food
Boy sitting next to sign “No Campaigning beyond This Point” holding sign “Will Be President for Food”.
Va-Rice-Ity: My Man Likes Something Unexpected…
My man likes something unexpected now and then. That’s why I serve him rice.
Talking Clock
Why, that’s my Talking Clock…
What’s The Main Reason For Motorbike Accidents In Jamaica?
What’s the main reason for motorbike accidents in Jamaica?
90’s Gamer
Everytime I hear people complain about online gaming, I wish they could experience my pain of online gaming in the 90’s…
Michael Jackson's Dog
A rather mean impression of what Michael Jackson’s dog might look like, if it had similar surgery.
Blind Pilots
You know, Bob, one of these days, they’re going to scream too late, and we’re all gonna die…
An Aussie Taxidermist In New Zealand…
An Aussie Taxidermist in New Zealand…
A Middle-aged Woman Decides To Have A Facelift…
A middle-aged woman decides to have a facelift…
Comments & Other Similar Social Data
Comments, Facebook Open Graph, & Other Similar Social Data.
Cars And Computers
General Motors doesn’t have a help line for people who don’t know how to drive because people don’t buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did…
Perfect Existence
Perfect Existence: The Proof
Sentence Structure: Why Sentence Structure Is Important
Sentence Structure: Why sentence structure is important.
Steady Hand
A game of skill, requiring a steady hand and keen eye – make sure you play at least the first two levels…
Keep Off The Grass
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothes, entered…
Men’s Rules
We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side…
Just Checking
“Just doing a spot-check to see what you’re doing… Yup, sitting at your computer again!” The expression on this ostrich’s face is excellent.
I. Like. It. How. When. You. Read. This. The. Little. Voice. In. Your. Head. Takes. Pauses.
I. Like. It. How. When. You. Read. This. The. Little. Voice. In. Your. Head. Takes. Pauses.
How To Know When You’ve Met A Democrat
Just in case you have trouble knowing when you’ve met a Democrat…
News Headlines
Amusing news headlines
What Would Robots From 1960's...
What would robots from 1960’s and 1970’s TV say today with current software installed?
Guts Or Balls?
We’ve all heard about men having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?
When A Woman Says “what?”
When a woman says “what?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.
Spider’s Remember
Remember when you threw a shoe at me and I fell somewhere behind the bed? I remember too.
Doctor Bob Had Sex With One Of His Patients…
Doctor Bob had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long…
The Modern Day Romantic
Goodnight my beautiful girl I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I love you so much <3
Road Rage
Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn’t notice it…
Got To Love Drunk People
>A man, and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door…
Let’s Go For A Drink…
Goldstar Beer Ads: What goes through the mind of men and women when they’re asked to go for a drink…
The World’s Shortest Books
The World’s Shortest Books
Aboriginal Eggs
Two Aboriginal lads are riding along the Hume Highway on a motorbike…
A Beer Before It Starts
A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts”…
The Poodle And The Leopard
Experience trumps youth.
Positive For Coke
You’re fired Jack, the lab results just came back and you tested positive for Coke.
What If The Beatles Had Been Computer Freaks?
What if the Beatles had been computer freaks?
Moving Illusion
A psychedelic illusion where a brightly coloured non-moving image appears to be pulsating in and out.
Hillary Clinton Goes To Her Doctor For A Physical…
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical…
The Perfect Password
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password…
The Second Amendment: The Right To Bear Arms
The second amendment gives Americans the right to bear arms. I think many have taken this out of context.
america bear arms constitution democracy imagery second amendment
Text Of A Letter From A Kid From Eromanga To Mum And Dad.
Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad.
Bribing Santa
Dear Santa, if you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you the antidote to the poison I put in the milk.
“Hi Honey. This Is Daddy. Is Mummy Near The Phone?”
Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mummy near the phone?
Test Your Subconscious
This revolutionary test will expose the secret desires from your subconscious…
A Cop Just Pulled Me Over And Said “Papers”
A cop just pulled me over and said “Papers”… so I said “Scissors, I win” and drove off…
Afterburn - Whom Do You See?
Relax and concentrate on the four small dots in the middle of the picture…
Husband Glasses
I’m returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He’s still not seeing things my way.
Cooking With Wine
I tried cooking supper with wine tonight. Didn’t go so well. After 5 glasses I forgot why I was even in the kitchen.
I Will Deprive You Of Sex
I will deprive you of sex all night with my crying and then suck on your wife’s tits in the morning.
Fifteen Things To Do At The Supermarket…
Fifteen things to do at the supermarket while your spouse is taking their sweet time…
The Hypnotist
It was entertainment night at the senior centre and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill…
The Fellowship Of The Ring
The Fellowship of the Ring.
Premature Ejaculators Anonymous
Man stating he ‘came too soon’ in front of sign stating ‘premature ejaculators anonymous’.
Executive Test
The following short quiz consists of four questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a “professional”…
How Many Mice Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Aboriginal Jobs
At the end of a tiny, deserted bar is a huge Aboriginal bloke…
Calm Living
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.
Stress Management
A stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts.
“Understanding Women” Now Available In Paperback
The book “Understanding Women” is now available in paperback!
Please, Dave… Please Don’t Let Me Be Locked Out From You!
Please, Dave… please don’t let me be locked out from you! For complete feminine hygiene rely on Lysol – a concentrated germ-killer!
Pregnancy & Women: Questions
Pregnancy & Women: Frequently Asked Questions
Morning Coffee
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning…
Missed You...
Image of a soldier pointing a gun towards the camera with caption “When you first left, I missed you badly… I WONT THIS TIME”
I Love My BSOD
Perhaps the only blue screen of death geeks would be happy to see.
boobs bsod computers fashion geeky imagery microsoft sexist windows women
Dear Thigh Fat
Help the needy?
Dormeyer Crying Wives
Wives: Look this ad over carefully. Circle the items you want for Christmas. Show it to your husband. If he does not go to the store immediately, cry a little…
Letter To A Mother / School Report
It is with great happiness that I’m telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend…
Notice
Notice is hereby given…
Foot Smart
See if you can outsmart your foot…
Jam And Butter The Muddy Plasters, The Dirty Bucket Of Pitch!
Jam and butter the muddy plasters, the dirty bucket of pitch!
Men Are Better Than Women!
Indoors, women are useful — even pleasant. On a mountain they are something of a drag. So don’t go hauling them up a cliff…
Proof That Not Knowing Everything Is The Best Way To Go
Proof that not knowing everything is the best way to go.
Idiots
Idiots everywhere…
Disclaimer, Copyright & Contact Information
Feel free to send me anything you think might amuse me.
The 10 Commandments
The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or parliament…
A True Australian Ghost Story
This story happened a short while ago near Brisbane, and even though it sounds a little Alfred Hitchcock… it’s (supposedly) true.
Scientific Breakthrough – Governmentium
A major research institution recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Governmentium.