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CONDOM(1)	      EUNUCH Programmer's Manual		CONDOM(1)



NAME
	condom - Protection against viruses and prevention of child
		 processes

SYNOPSIS
	condom [options] [processid]

DESCRIPTION
	_condom_ provides protection against System Transmitted
Viruses (STVs) that may invade your system.  Although the spread of
such viruses across a network can only be abated by aware and cautious
users, _condom_ is the only highly-effective means of preventing
viruses from entering your system (see celibacy(1)).  Any data passed
to _condom_ by the protected process will be blocked, as specified by
the value of the -s option (see OPTIONS below).  _condom_ is known to
defend against the following viruses and other malicious
afflictions...

	o AIDS
	o Herpes Simplex (genital varieties)
	o Syphilis
	o Crabs
	o Genital warts
	o Gonorrhea
	o Chlamydia
	o Michelangelo
	o Jerusalem

	When used alone or in conjunction with pill(1), sponge(1),
foam(1), and/or setiud(3), _condom_ also prevents the conception of a
child process.  If invoked from within a synchronous process, _condom_
has, by default, an 80% chance of preventing the external processes
from becoming parent processes (see the -s option below).  When other
process contraceptives are used, the chance of preventing a child
process from being forked becomes much greater.  See pill(1),
sponge(1), foam(1), and setiud(3) for more information.
	If no options are given, the current user's login process (as
determined by the environment variable USER) is protected with a
Trojan rough-cut latex condom without a reservoir tip.  The optional
'processid' argument is an integer specifying the process to protect.
	NOTE: _condom_ may only be used with a hard disk.  _condom_
will terminate abnormally with exit code -1 if used with a floppy
disk (see DIAGNOSTICS below).

OPTIONS
     The following options may be given to _condom_...

	-b BRAND	BRANDs are as follows...

			trojan (default)
			ramses
			sheik
			goldcoin
			fourex

	-m MATERIAL	The valid MATERIALs are...

			latex (default)
			saranwrap
			membrane -- WARNING!  The membrane option is _not_
			endorsed by the System Administrator General as an
			effective barrier against certain viruses.  It is
			supported only for the sake of tradition.

	-f FLAVOR	The following FLAVORs are currently supported...

			plain (default)
			apple
			banana
			cherry
			cinnamon
			licorice
			orange
			peppermint
			raspberry
			spearmint
			strawberry

	-r		Toggle reservoir tip (default is no reservoir tip)

	-s STRENGTH	STRENGTH is an integer between 20 and 100 specifying
			the resilience of _condom_ against data passed to
			_condom_ by the protected process.  Using a larger
			value of STRENGTH increases _condom_'s protective
			abilities, but also reduces interprocess communication.
			A smaller value of STRENGTH increases interprocess
			communication, but also increases the likelihood of a
			security breach.  An extremely vigorous process or
			one passing an enormous amount of data to _condom_
			will increase the chance of _condom_'s failure.  The
			default STRENGTH is 80%.

	-t TEXTURE	Valid TEXTUREs are...

			rough (default)
			ribbed
			bumps
			lubricated (provides smoother interaction between
			            processes)

	WARNING: The use of an external application to _condom_ in
order to reduce friction between processes has been proven in
benchmark tests to decrease _condom_'s strength factor!  If execution
speed is important to your process, use the '-t lubricated' option.

DIAGNOSTICS
	_condom_ terminates with one of the following exit codes...

	-1	An attempt was made to use _condom_ on a floppy disk.

	 0	_condom_ exited successfully (no data was passed to
		the synchronous process).

	 1	_condom_ failed and data was allowed through.  The
		danger of transmission of an STV or the forking of a child
		process is inversely proportional to the number of other
		protections employed and is directly proportional to
		the ages of the processes involved.

BUGS
	_condom_ is NOT 100% effective at preventing a child process
from being forked or at deterring the invasion of a virus (although
the System Administrator General has deemed that _condom_ is the most
effective means of preventing the spread of system transmitted
viruses).  See celibacy(1) for information on a 100% effective program
for preventing these problems.
	Remember... the use of sex(1) and other related routines
should only occur between mature, consenting processes.  If you must
use sex(1), please employ _condom_ to protect your process and your
synchronous process.  If we are all responsible, we can stop the
spread of STVs.

AUTHORS and HISTORY
	The original version of _condom_ was released in Roman times
and was only marginally effective.  With the advent of modern
technology, _condom_ now supports many more options and is much more
effective.
	
SEE ALSO
	celibacy(1), sex(1), pill(1), sponge(1), foam(1), and setiud(3)