An Irish daughter had not been to her parent’s house for over five years.
Upon her return, her father cussed her, “Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn’t you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn’t you call? You little tramp! Don’t you know what you put your Mum through?”
The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute...”
“WHAT! Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family – I don’t ever want to see you again!”
“OK, Dad – as you wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxury fur coat, title deeds to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a savings account certificate for 5 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex, and for you Daddy the spanking new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a lifetime membership to the Country Club...(takes a breath)... an invitation for you all to spend New Years’ Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...”
“Now what was it you said you had become?”
Girl, crying again, “Sniff, sniff... A prostitute Dad! ... Sniff, sniff”
“Oh! B’Jesus! You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a Protestant! Come here and give your old man a hug!”
See also: Bribing Santa Claus (Bribing Santa)