Men vs. Women
MEN AND WOMEN COMPARED NICKNAMES:
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out
for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
If Mike,
Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as
Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw
in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller,
and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their
bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a
$2 item that she doesn’t want.
BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, comb, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number
of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to
identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says
after that is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS:
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking,
men kick cats.
FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never
worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.
DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty
the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress
up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate
during the night.
OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears
and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in
the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no
use in two people remembering the same thing.